when you were partying, i studied the effects of mash parameters on fermentability and efficiency when you were having premarital sex, i mastered the biotransformation hop schedule while you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, i cultivated knowledge on closed loop transfers and now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help?
malts: pale malt, caramel hops: amarillo, citra, simcoe yeast: london ale iii 1318
music recommendation: new order – confusion (pump panel reconstruction mix)
what the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? i’ll have you know i graduated top of my class in the online homebrewing academy, and i’ve been involved in numerous secret tastings at the underground craft beer bars and taprooms, and i have over 300 confirmed untappd check-ins. i am trained in recognizing the differences between us-05 and wlp001, and i’m the top nz hop user in my homebrewing bottle share group. you are nothing to me but just another cheap lager drinker. i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth, mark my fucking words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? think again, fucker. as we speak i am contacting my secret network of drinking buddies on whatsapp and your ip is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your credibility as a beer connoisseur. you’re fucking dead, kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can measure specific gravity in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. not only am i extensively trained in having two separate biab brews going at the same time during brew day, but i have access to the entire arsenal of the local homebrewing shops and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. but you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. you’re fucking dead, kiddo.
an experimental neipa based on our ‘carlos, his car get the fire’ recipe with some unique twists
are you ready to go to the next level? dubbed by our fans as the first “tosivahva” (finnish real strong) beer. this face melter was made for our friend toni’s birthday party where it was a crowd favorite – despite being served next to commercial level stuff! it was also tested and approved by our highly experienced lappeen ranta testing group.
also known as valleyshot 911 due to the fact that it was made on 9/11 with our guest brewer teemu and it was inspired by college frat party antics.
malts: pilsner, cara gold, candi sugar hops: saaz, styrian goldings yeast: mangrove jack’s m31 belgian tripel
music recommendation: sphongle – divine moments of truth
three c’s and a p! megacharges of chinook, columbus, citra and pacifica hops will make sure that you will tell stories about this ipa to your grandkids. based on our tested malt base. this autumn beer was inspired by soviet union and mufloni ccccc ipa. gluten free.
malts: caramel, cookie, pale ale hops: chinook, columbus, citra, pacifica yeast: white labs wlp007 dry english ale
music recommendation: dune 2 soundtrack – spice melange
flawless victory! very aromatic continuation in our dipa series following double dragon and shambler. this has really improved with age, as it now fully embraces all the flavours vic secret hops has to offer. double dry hopping truly is the key! this really allows you to bicycle kick your enemies out of the tournament!
malts: pale malt, cookie, caramel hops: vic secret yeast: dry english ale (wlp007)
music recommendation: the immortals – techno syndrome
brutal and technical double ipa which was inspired by one of our favourite games of the 90’ – id software’s quake! perfect beer for those first spring day afternoons.
malts: pale malt, biscuit malt and caramel hops: simcoe yeast: omega yeast espe kveik
